How to Co-Parent a Baby? 👩‍👩‍👧‍👧

If this is your first child, there are a lot of new things to learn including breastfeeding, feeding your baby and bathing, amongst many others. To co-parent a baby successfully requires specific arrangements from the very start — newborns need consistency, routine and close contact with both parents.

If you’re considering having a child with a co-parent, you might be thinking of sharing custody. As you know, newborns require a great deal of looking after. To co-parent a baby at this early time in their life necessitates careful planning, in order to make sure that their needs and well-being are respected.

What Do Babies Need?

Your baby’s needs come first. Every child needs consistency and a routine, but this is more particularly the case with newborns. Everything must be planned and done at a set time — feeding (breastfeeding or not), sleeping and playtime.

Newborns thrive on a predictable and fixed routine with lots of sleep, set meal times, cuddles, eye contact and bonding with their parents. On the contrary, unfamiliar routines, such as moving to a new home, can make your baby anxious.

Sharing Custody When You Co-Parent a Baby

Custody arrangements depend on a child’s age and personality. But whatever their age and whether you’re a 2, 3, 4 or more parent family, children need the love and care that each individual parent provides. For more on custody options, read our guide on the 5 most common child custody arrangements.

Newborns frequently have one co-parent as a primary caregiver, often the mother but not always. They usually take care of most of the day-to-day tasks such as feeding, bathing, bedtime and changing nappies. It’s best for the child to spend most of their time with their main caregiver to avoid moving from one house to the other too frequently.

Whether they are involved in a relationship or single, some co-parents decide to live together during the first months of their child’s life. This way each parent stays with their baby while respecting their need for a stable routine.

If you can’t live together or prefer not to, the baby should remain at either their mum’s or their dad’s. Try to avoid overnights for the moment, and living close to each other is recommended.
Whatever kind of custody you choose, your baby needs regular contact with their non-primary caregiver — at least every two or three days if possible. To create a bond, each parent should participate in feeding, changing nappies, bath-time, playing and going for walks. As babies need a strict schedule, custody and visiting time must be planned around their routine.

What to Do If You Are Breastfeeding

Whether you’re breastfeeding or not, co-parenting plans have to be arranged around your baby’s feeding schedule. If you’re breastfeeding, it is most likely that the baby is going to stay at their mum’s.

According to the NHS, breastfeeding provides significant health benefits for both mother and baby — making it an important factor to consider when planning a custody arrangement.
Breastfeeding is an excellent way to create a strong bond between a child and their mum. However, this should not be a reason for separating the child from their dad. Using a breast pump or getting involved in other tasks are opportunities for the dad to look after their child and create a special bond.

Create a Parenting Plan Together

You’ve made this baby together — therefore, any decisions should be taken jointly when it comes to your baby’s needs and routine.

While writing your co-parenting arrangement, think together about how to share your parenting responsibilities. What type of custody arrangement will you choose? Who will the child live with?

Who will be the main caregiver? Consider other questions regarding your little one’s routine: breastfeeding or not? What baby products should you both use? What about bedtime schedules? How should you arrange the nursery? Other things to consider are parental leave and childcare.

These topics should be discussed in advance — before conception or birth preferably. Writing a parenting plan will serve to set out your choices, intentions, rights and responsibilities towards your little one on paper. You can find practical templates and advice on Cafcass’s parenting plan guidance.

As your child grows up and their needs change, you’ll have to regularly amend this arrangement. Once the baby is born, it’s important to keep track of visiting schedules and doctor’s appointments to ensure that both parents are fully involved. For more tips on day-to-day organisation, read our guide on co-parenting tips for better communication.