How To Find The Right Co-Parent

Co-parenting is traditionally associated with separated couples who are sharing the responsibility of raising their child or children.

Nowadays, there is a growth in a more modern form of co-parenting where single women and men might raise a child together, or homosexual couples or individuals will share parental obligations in partnership with sperm donors or surrogates.

No matter what your situation, if you are looking to raise a child in this way, there are a few things you will need to figure out before making any decisions.


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Meeting with a potential contender once will not give you a complete picture ofwhat they are like. You will need to be willing to invest enough time to get to know them as a person; learning their background and lifestyle choices through to specific characteristics, you need to be sure they are the right choice for you.

How long you spend getting to be acquainted with them is up to you. If you already have a son or daughter, they will need to be able to gel with the partner as well. Never make a rushed decision without communicating on any areas you or they desire to find out about the individual.

A good co-parent will be eager to spend this time getting to know you too – someone in a rush may have questionable intentions.


It is imperative for the child to be brought up in a stable environment. By deciphering the level of responsibility the candidate wishes to have, you will have a better idea of whether their wishes meet with yours.

You might come to an agreement that accountabilities are split down the middle, 50/50 each. That’s all well and good, but you must also be clear over which duties are assigned to each parent, and when.

For example, will you always pick them up from school, or will you alternate depending on the day or week?

The right partner will be happy to discuss some of the more challenging tasks, rather than shying away from taking them on.


Assignment of responsibility will likely depend on your schedules. If you both work, how will you fit in babysitting over school holidays or infancy, as well as any travel?

By not clearly communicating your schedules, arguments are bound to break out from the very beginning which will be very unhealthy for both the child and your partnership.

As you cannot predict all circumstances, a level of flexibility must be adopted to prevent any awkward situations down the road. A bad co-parent will not be willing to budge on their current lifestyle.

Living Arrangements

You may have strong ideas that the child will live with you all of the time, or none of the time – but how likely are these ideas going to fit in with those of your co-parent? You will need to reach some compromises here for the benefit of the youngster.

In some situations, co-parents will arrange to live together platonically. This could seem like a strange situation to be in but if you both live alone and are single, you might want to seriously think about it so that the child can be brought up under the same roof. This is a popular choice for those who initially live far apart and decide to move closer.

If living arrangements are split between you, travel agreements must be made clear, as well as any intentions to relocate. If your co-parent is situated far from you, how enthusiastic are they about travelling that whole way, or will you meet at a half-way point? This will be a good indication as to whether your agreement will work or not.


Things can become complicated if you or your co-partner is currently in a relationship. All parties that will be involved in the child’s life must be involved from day one in how the family unit is structured, and how this is communicated. The same goes for introducing new partners if either of you start to be romantically involved with others.

Overall, a decent co-parent will be trusting, adaptable and mature in nature – which you will need to be too.

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