• New Female Looking for Advice

    Posted by ___deleted-user on 26 August 2021 at 19:34

    Hi there,
    I am very new to this process.
    The original plan was to start with my GP, however, because I am single and haven’t been trying with a partner, my situation was deemed not his problem, which was disheartening, to say the least. And surely that is a form of prejudice too?
    I have looked on websites and forums, and not going to lie, freaked out by the number of male donors and co-parents that ‘prefer’ or exclusively offer NI.
    What is the best and safest way to begin this process and what are the challenges have you faced?

    Thank you in advance.

    ___deleted-user replied 2 years, 7 months ago 1 Member · 3 Replies
  • 3 Replies
  • ___deleted-user

    Member
    5 September 2021 at 17:07

    You would be surprised on he amount of men that would use a persons desire or desperation just to get a free lay as some people would call it.
    Before choosing a potential donor I think it is better to have some sort of connection.
    Always insist on STD checks and ask about family history.
    Don’t discount on any delivery method NI PI or AI it would depend on the situation and any connection between you and the donor.

  • ___deleted-user

    Member
    8 September 2021 at 16:06

    Is is evident that for many people it is a game, for many men a way to get a little sex with someone different, I have also seen that many women only look for a semen donor. in either case it is not questionable whether both parties agree. But what about the child? What happens when he grows up and starts asking questions about the father? that is heartbreaking to live it and I will tell you in the first person. I am here because I want to be a co-father but I want to participate in the evolution and life of my son, if there is a relationship it is also welcome, in your case I recommend that you go after your dream but; If you are young, it is better to try a relationship with family values ​​so that this education can be passed on to the next generation. If you want to talk.

  • ___deleted-user

    Member
    30 September 2021 at 08:37

    Temi

    The advice I would give is to write down and define what you want from the coparent ‘relationship’. Coparent relationship is of course v different to a donor relationship as in the relationship with the coparent will exist for life.

    So define what you want;

    Geography…if you share a child how far will you travel to one another to share custody. It’s probably silly to coparent with someone who isn’t local.

    Will you share custody and what proportion of time with each parent? Are you flexible enough to fetter this over time as circumstances change?

    Expectations of financial support?

    Has he involved / informed his family , and you yours. The more secretive someone is the more likely he is to run away?

    You should confirm identities, check and build trust?

    Build slowly, decide is this purely having a child or could you have a relationship that grows to love / living together?

    Be sure your values are on the same wavelength…you don’t want one parent having massively counter views as it will create issues?

    Discuss what happens if one of you die, re custody etc. Life insurance.

    Most of this is common sense, go slow…build a rapport…talk stuff through and decide whether you want to write main elements of agreements down as recollections can vary over time. Don’t rush into it.

    As coparents you have to be balanced…it takes two to tango and you don’t have all the control. It has to be broadly equal or it will breed resentment.

    I wish you well, there are good donors and coparents here…trust your gut feel…and act safely.

Log in to reply.