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God’s Plan?
Hi everyone,
You can consider me a ‘religious’ person b/c I am a Christ follower (to the best of my ability) and I try to adhere to christian principles…..so much so that I have been celibate for nearly 20 years hoping that God will bring the man in my life that he has chosen for me. I believed that if try my best to not purposefully engage in ‘sinful’ activiities, that God will bless my life, marriage, and children when the time is right. I am running out of time…and I’m wondering should I take matters into my own hands…become pregnant by AI (artificial insemination) and have the father coparent with me. I still have the desire to get married. I wonder is ‘taking matter into my own hands’ wrong. Should I co-parent if I have a secret desire for love and marriage with the right mate. What are the chances are the co-parent becoming the husband and father? What if the coparent has to come second or third should I marry a husband that will accept the child of the co-parent as his own and work out hectic schedule btw our different lives. I come with a clean slate, no baggage…am I setting myself up for failure? I’m new to all of this; however, I have thought about this for more than 15 years…but I did not know if this was the ‘right’ thing to do for a single christian woman….I still don’t know.
I realize that many are you are not conservative, but I welcome your opinions; but keep in mind that I do want to please God even though I have my own ‘selfish’ desires that I cannot squelch.
Thank you 🙂
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8 Replies
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Ihave loads of questions too, but looking a my friends with kids i realise whatever way you bring up a child there will always be someone telling you yoou are doing it the wrong way, do you have support to help you with these decisions ,it’s o.k to grieve for the life you dreamt for, but why as a good person deny yourself the gift of motherhood 🙂
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Sister I believe it is God’s design for a mother and father to be married and have a child together, co-parenting is similar to a divorce only this is without you knowing that person but putting your child in someones life that you never even put your own life to trust with this person. I strongly recommend you wait upon the Lord and seek good Godly counsel from your church. God has a will for your life and family trust in Him He will not fail you.
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Hello! I agree with Sherri with the idea that co-parenting is similar to divorce. My position, at 40, is that very few women l know do not have children. Some are married, some re-married, some now single after divorce, and some always single. I think if l have a child through co-parenting, then meet someone, l’ll expect him to accept the child exactly the same as if l’d been divorced, and the child was a result of a relationship. The child would be mine first, then the co-parent’s.
For me, l had a long-term relationship with a man who had major mental health issues. We waited and waited, it was never the ‘right’ time to start a family, until one day l realised it was exactly what he wanted – no children. Now l’m reaching the end of my fertile years, l’ve waited to find someone else, but l realise that finding someone and having a child might well be two seperate issues.
I would say, concentrate your search for a co-parent who has similar religious values to you. And be kind to yourself, life is rarely ideal, and we aren’t perfect. Good luck, l hope you get everything your heart needs. -
Hi
I am battling with the same thoughts as you say. I also try to follow in Christ, but some days are harder than others!
I already have a child but in some ways I feel that it’s harder, with myself watching him see others with not only a father figure, but with siblings too. He even sometimes jokes and says that he’s talking to the brother he never had. OK so, this may sound like I want another child for the one that I already have, but that’s not correct. I’ve always saw myself to have at least 4 kids. I just cannot believe that this is the way my life has ended up (many dark clouds) but the lord has pulled me out of them, but this is one cloud that has been over me for awhile and although I would like to get married, I’m not getting any younger and I can’t keep feeling this way without it affecting other areas of my life. So here I am, on this site, and it seems that I’m not the only one in this situation!
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My thoughts are this; I personally am quite spiritual. I know that we’re not alone here, and that our lives have meaning and purpose. Part of the meaning for a woman is to have a child in her life to love and nurture. Though it is preferred that a man take an active part. It isn’t necessary for a woman to fill fulfilled. Many husbands work long hours or are simply away from home so much that his wife and children actually spend very little time with him. I do not believe for a second that God or your spirit guide will hook you up with the man of your dreams, thought it might be able to have him cross your path. The getting involved with that person is then ultimately left to both your decisions. For many, things just simply do not work out.
And when you think about it, many Christian couples often get divorced, remarried and have children with other people. Life is your gift, thus you need to do what you need to do to feel fulfilled. But a women should seriously consider who the co-parent might be, because health is important, as is his future considerations towards his offspring. The child might want to know it’s father, thus the father should be open minded and willing, if not excited about the idea.
I personally am seeking a kind, caring, considerate woman to have a love child with. I already have two grown children, but would like a third. My current relationship doesn’t provide me with the opportunity, so I’m seeking a woman who is seeking to have a strong healthy child of her own, to fulfill or complete her life and mine. I was a high level athlete in high school, and my family has a strong healthy background. Though many people might not agree with my choice to have another child, it is in my heart to do so, to make my life feel complete.
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HI
I understand what your saying, I’m having the same battle. Long story short is that I have 1 child already but it hurts just the same to see others being able to continue their family, I feel as though I’m not giving my child the loving family that’s meant. I am a Christian, and love Jesus, if he were to tell me no I don’t know what I’ll do but right now all I know is the pain I feel. It’s been over 10 years and nothing worth anything has come about. Seeing new bumps, and packs of siblings are hurtful. Of course I can take livivg with it, but it weakens and takes a lot out of me emotionally!
Hope we all find an answer!
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Hello
I felt moved to comment here. My mother is a preacher and I, though no longer Christian, am a spiritual person who believes in most Christian values and remained a virgin until her wedding night at 27.
My advice, for what it’s worth, is that if having a child is important to your happiness, don’t wait. Men come and go (my husband was abusive and I divorced him five years ago) and the right time to meet a husband will come. Conception will not wait and your fertile years are precious. The right man will love and cherish both you and the child, and he may even have children of his own to contribute to the big happy family.
We all grow up with the dream of having children inside a happy marriage and it is the hardest thing in the world to step outside that dream. It takes a very special type of courage that only we, as women, possess.
There will be criticism and judgement. The world hasn’t yet caught up to the progressive women who make this difficult choice. But everyone I know who has ever had a child complains bitterly about the child’s behaviour or the fact that they get no sleep and all the thousand little annoyances they put up with every day… but they always end with ‘but I wouldn’t change it for the world’.
I’m just starting on this difficult journey myself and have just had my first home insemination. Also writing a book about the experience.
I wish you joy whatever you choose.
C x
P.S. Jesus was kind of a donor baby too 🙂
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Hi
I totally understand were your coming from!
You say that you’ve done your first try at home, would love to know how that went for you.
Please will you add an update!
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