Whether you can sense your biological clock ticking or you just really want a baby, being single when you want to start your family (or to have another baby), can make things pretty complicated. Even if you manage to find a date, how can you tell someone that you’ve just started seeing that you want to have children soon? Or, where can you find other people looking to become parents just like you?
Thanks to the internet, not only can you get lots of useful advice regarding dating when you want kids, but you can also find dating websites dedicated to people looking to have a baby.
How can I let my dates know that I want kids?
Telling someone that you’ve just started to date that you would like to have kids soon can feel a little daunting. However, if you know that children is what you want, why risk wasting your time with someone who doesn’t share the same desire for parenthood?
You don’t have to tell them right away (although you can), but you also shouldn’t wait too long. It’s best to talk about your feelings before you get too attached to the person you’re dating, so you can know what to expect from them and make decisions accordingly.
When telling your date(s) that you would like to have kids, you don’t need to pressure them by saying: “I want to make a baby now, there’s not much time left”.
Instead, whether you tell them on the phone, via an email or face to face, keep it simple and leave things open to discussion, while also doing your best to be clear and non-aggressive. Explain concisely that you want to have a child and that you cannot be with someone who doesn’t share the same desire. Then ask them what their take on the situation is and, importantly, if they are on the same page as you.
Know when you should walk away
It’s distinctly possible that this conversation might end up scaring them off, but that’s probably for the best. They were simply not the right person for you. Some women or men stay with a partner they love but who doesn’t want to have a child, hoping that they will eventually change their mind. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Many men or women who say they don’t want to have children are being honest and won’t ever change their mind. Instead of wasting your time with a person who clearly doesn’t share the same goals in life as you, have the strength to walk away and to look for someone that suits you better.
Where to look for dates if you want to have children
When you’re single, finding someone willing to have a baby with you isn’t easy. Even if you’re dating, it would still be pretty tough to work such an important subject into conversation on your third date. Additionally, it often takes years for a couple to settle down and to finally feel ready to start trying for a baby (or for some, to even just start talking about it).
Fortunately, you don’t necessarily have to wait that long or ask someone you barely know if they want to have kids. The thing is that you are not alone, there are many other single men and women like you who really want to have a baby too. You just need to know where to find them.It is for this reason that many dating websites dedicated to people looking for someone with whom to have kids, have popped up on the internet. Some websites are only for people looking for romantic partners who want to have children. They function like any other website, except that all members are looking for someone who wants kids too.
Others, such as CoParents.co.uk, connect people with other aspiring parents, enabling them to have and raise a child together. Contrary to the dating websites mentioned above, these websites are not dedicated to people looking for a romantic relationship, but to those searching for a co-parent or someone eager to help them start their family (although, it’s always possible that some may also find the love of their life via these sites).
On CoParents, single women can also look for sperm donors willing to help them to become a mother. They can find sperm donors with photos, as well as free donors. The level of contact they wish their donor to have with the child is entirely up to them. To make things run more smoothly, this subject should be considered before starting any research.
What can I do if I don’t find anyone willing to have a child with me?
Some women or men decide to have a child alone, whether this is because they haven’t yet found the right partner, because they want to conceive before it’s too late or simply because they prefer to do it on their own.
If you are desperate for a kid but you are single and don’t want to wait any longer, be reassured that other solutions exist. Where women are concerned, in addition to adoption and looking for a co-parent, they can also get pregnant by using donor sperm and undergoing donor insemination or in vitro fertilisation (IVF).
Single men can also adopt, although this situation remains rare. Another option is to find a surrogate mother or co-parent, who will carry and give birth to their child.