new to this idea - any advice? (UK)

by V32 » 22 Oct 2010

I am seriously considering co-parenting as a way to have a family. I would really like to hear from people who have done this who can tell me about problems they came up against, things to consider etc

I have recently started emailing with someone who I met on this site and we are looking to meet in just over a week. What sort of things should we be discussing? What are the things to consider?

I have some ideas of my own in terms of what we need to discuss, but would like to hear other peoples ideas too.

I read on someone else's post that someone in Austrailia was recommending making a contract for contact. That feels a bit formal to me and I don't know if it would stand up in a court of law in this country anyway?? And I like the idea of having some flexibility in this area.

Something that concerns me about this route is there is no obvious person to support me in the birth. Normally, ones partner would be there. I don't know how I feel about having the father there in a co-parenting arangement as giving birth is a private and intimate thing to me. I would be interested to hear from others about how they chose their birthing partner and who that was.

Any ideas/experiences/advice welcome about the above things and anything else you think i should know/consider...

Thanks

by Michael29 » 24 Nov 2010

Hi ya!

Just been reading your post, as for what sort of things should you be discussing?? I think the main thing is what both parties want from this, you both need to be very upfront in what you want, say for instance its no good if you want co parenting but the other party just wants to donate but without any contact with the child afterwards, so you both need to agree to what each other wants from the donation.

As for the contact that you mentioned in Australia. That maybe ok for some but once you start involving solicitors (to draw up that contract) then by law you legally have to involve other government sectors ie social workers etc.. all this could cost you thousands!! and this would be defeating the object don't you think? after all most people are on this site as they have no means of financially affording to take the other route of IVF etc. just look at the cost of IVF for instance, £3000 per session!!!

As for no one being there to support you at the birth? Unfortunetly that's something you may have to accept and come to terms with, the other alternative would be to wait until your in a relationship before trying for a child. its a catch 21 situation, but at the end of the day im sure with the help and support of your family that worry will disappear.

All I can advise is be open and upfront with what your looking for, get to know the prospective donor well and understand what they are looking for too, then if all goes well you will be another happy mom!!!

hope this helps and good luck.

Michael




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