Edinburgh guy, lost! Help!

    by Chad1983      .      16 Jan 2017

    Single gay guy, 33 years of age, work as a barber and wedding photographer in Edinburgh. Grounded with a good secure income and good health, I’ve wanted to be a dad since I was 25 and finally decided to take an active role in searching. I’m putting myself through university again part time in computer science and mathematics, previously studied Photography. I have quite the IQ so using my brain while it’s still active lol.

    Even though I’m gay I don’t act, look or live that lifestyle; played rugby most my life, 6ft1, broad and well framed. I don’t know how to go about this or even what to put in a message to anouther.

    I’ve done my traveling and partying and though I’m not interested in a relationship because I’m quite content being single, I can’t help wonder how hard it is for a straight guy in my situation let alone a gay guy.
    I have a few questions and wonder if anyone could give me some advice because I’m somewhat dumbfounded and overwhelmed on how to approach any one about this topic.

    I would like to be an active role in a child’s life and would even consider more than one child with the same person. I would want to contribute financially as well as emotionally, as let’s face it if you’re going to have a child with someone you’re going to be in each other’s life for a very reasonable amount of time and I feel you would have an amount of support to give as a father, no woman should go this alone.

    Is it good form to ask for a good solid friendship from someone you could potentially plan to have a child with? Are you over stepping the line to offer to maybe cook or help provide for them? After all, if they are carrying a child that’s half yours dont you have a responsibility to that person though the pregnancy too? not just to the child after?
    As a guy in this situation as many of you reading this could well be in; I feel insemination is the easy part, what duties are people expecting before and what level of care “apart from the obvious” do you provide after?

    This all feels like I should be waiting to be interviewed or be interviewing for a partner “which I’m not” but say I do find a suitable match “or they find me!” is it out of line or overly enthusiastic to treat that person like family and provide, help and spend time with them? I don't want to let this be somewhat of a mechanical process.

    The thought of helping someone get pregnant and disappearing for 9 months until the big day seems barbarically selfish to me. Iv supported one of my sisters during the last term of her pregnancy and 6 months after my niece was born and it takes a tremendous amount of care.

    Can anyone help me out? Any advice would be greatly appreciated
    Hope you all for fill your wish and have a wonderful new year
    Chad

    9 Replies

    Chad1983 on 16 Jan 2017

    Single gay guy, 33 years of age, work as a barber and wedding photographer in Edinburgh. Grounded with a good secure income and good health, I’ve wanted to be a dad since I was 25 and finally decided to take an active role in searching. I’m putting myself through university again part time in computer science and mathematics, previously studied Photography. I have quite the IQ so using my brain while it’s still active lol.

    Even though I’m gay I don’t act, look or live that lifestyle; played rugby most my life, 6ft1, broad and well framed. I don’t know how to go about this or even what to put in a message to anouther.

    I’ve done my traveling and partying and though I’m not interested in a relationship because I’m quite content being single, I can’t help wonder how hard it is for a straight guy in my situation let alone a gay guy.
    I have a few questions and wonder if anyone could give me some advice because I’m somewhat dumbfounded and overwhelmed on how to approach any one about this topic.

    I would like to be an active role in a child’s life and would even consider more than one child with the same person. I would want to contribute financially as well as emotionally, as let’s face it if you’re going to have a child with someone you’re going to be in each other’s life for a very reasonable amount of time and I feel you would have an amount of support to give as a father, no woman should go this alone.

    Is it good form to ask for a good solid friendship from someone you could potentially plan to have a child with? Are you over stepping the line to offer to maybe cook or help provide for them? After all, if they are carrying a child that’s half yours dont you have a responsibility to that person though the pregnancy too? not just to the child after?
    As a guy in this situation as many of you reading this could well be in; I feel insemination is the easy part, what duties are people expecting before and what level of care “apart from the obvious” do you provide after?

    This all feels like I should be waiting to be interviewed or be interviewing for a partner “which I’m not” but say I do find a suitable match “or they find me!” is it out of line or overly enthusiastic to treat that person like family and provide, help and spend time with them? I don't want to let this be somewhat of a mechanical process.

    The thought of helping someone get pregnant and disappearing for 9 months until the big day seems barbarically selfish to me. Iv supported one of my sisters during the last term of her pregnancy and 6 months after my niece was born and it takes a tremendous amount of care.

    Can anyone help me out? Any advice would be greatly appreciated
    Hope you all for fill your wish and have a wonderful new year
    Chad

    Ruby7303 on 21 Jan 2017

    Hi Chad,

    I think your in the right mindset for co-parenting, I mean you either want to be involved or not.

    It would help to build up a bond with the mother also before the baby was born, as you said, a strong friendship would be required to raise a child together.

    I am based in Dublin, and am a Photographer myself (age 37). I have been single for a good number of years now, and while I do want to find a partner I find it too much pressure looking for a partner and also the father of my child rolled into one as I feel under time constraint.

    So I have decided to explore the option of having a child by myself, as I can always meet a life partner further down the line once the pressure of having children is off. I have always wanted to have children, and I don't want to let the opportunity pass me by from waiting around for "Mr. Right" which may never happen, or at least not in the next 2/3 years.

    I would be open to co-parenting also, but I would want to get to know that person a lot more rather than just a donor as they will be a huge part of mine and the childs life.

    Anyway, I am not sure it would work for us considering we are in different countries, but I am happy to chat if you want someone to talk with,

    Ruby

    Lozzlya on 23 Jan 2017

    Heya are you still looking to compare to . I'm female , 29 Glasgow looking for ai

    Zoe1990 on 26 Jan 2017

    Hi Chad, You have more about you & your outlook on parenting than most straight guys. If your still struggling get in touch.

    Zoe

    beccafrx on 31 Jan 2017

    Exactly what i'm looking for! Please send me a message if you would like to discuss further.

    pesky on 13 Feb 2017

    Hi, i am new here and would like to get to know you. Care to message me?

    Loubear on 23 Apr 2017

    Hi Chad,
    I just wanted to say I'm glad I read your post, being the first post I have read on here it has made me feel hopeful for what might be out there!
    I live not too far from Edinburgh and my journey is just beginning, I wish you all the best with your journey, you sound like you will make a lovely dad :)

    JaiBee on 02 May 2017

    Hi There.
    You sound amazing. Hope you find the right person and you and your future children are happy xx

    HollieS9 on 19 Oct 2017

    Hi Chad,

    I don't know if you are still online or still weighing up the possibility of co-parenting?
    I don't have a paid account but if you had an email address that you would be happy for me to get in touch with you at I'd be happy to send you a message.

    Many thanks
    Hollie

    Tas123 on 19 Oct 2017

    Hi Chad1983,

    Back in January you wrote a very interesting post. I wanted to ask if you have found your co-parent match or are you still looking?
    it's refreshing to hear that you want to play an integral role in the child's life. So what sort of co-parenting share were you thinking of? 50/50?
    Please send me a message for more one to one chat. Look forward to hearing from you. All the best. Tas123


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