Edinburgh guy, lost! Help!

by Chad1983 » 16 Jan 2017

Single gay guy, 33 years of age, work as a barber and wedding photographer in Edinburgh. Grounded with a good secure income and good health, I’ve wanted to be a dad since I was 25 and finally decided to take an active role in searching. I’m putting myself through university again part time in computer science and mathematics, previously studied Photography. I have quite the IQ so using my brain while it’s still active lol.

Even though I’m gay I don’t act, look or live that lifestyle; played rugby most my life, 6ft1, broad and well framed. I don’t know how to go about this or even what to put in a message to anouther.

I’ve done my traveling and partying and though I’m not interested in a relationship because I’m quite content being single, I can’t help wonder how hard it is for a straight guy in my situation let alone a gay guy.
I have a few questions and wonder if anyone could give me some advice because I’m somewhat dumbfounded and overwhelmed on how to approach any one about this topic.

I would like to be an active role in a child’s life and would even consider more than one child with the same person. I would want to contribute financially as well as emotionally, as let’s face it if you’re going to have a child with someone you’re going to be in each other’s life for a very reasonable amount of time and I feel you would have an amount of support to give as a father, no woman should go this alone.

Is it good form to ask for a good solid friendship from someone you could potentially plan to have a child with? Are you over stepping the line to offer to maybe cook or help provide for them? After all, if they are carrying a child that’s half yours dont you have a responsibility to that person though the pregnancy too? not just to the child after?
As a guy in this situation as many of you reading this could well be in; I feel insemination is the easy part, what duties are people expecting before and what level of care “apart from the obvious” do you provide after?

This all feels like I should be waiting to be interviewed or be interviewing for a partner “which I’m not” but say I do find a suitable match “or they find me!” is it out of line or overly enthusiastic to treat that person like family and provide, help and spend time with them? I don't want to let this be somewhat of a mechanical process.

The thought of helping someone get pregnant and disappearing for 9 months until the big day seems barbarically selfish to me. Iv supported one of my sisters during the last term of her pregnancy and 6 months after my niece was born and it takes a tremendous amount of care.

Can anyone help me out? Any advice would be greatly appreciated
Hope you all for fill your wish and have a wonderful new year
Chad

by Ruby7303 » 21 Jan 2017

Hi Chad,

I think your in the right mindset for co-parenting, I mean you either want to be involved or not.

It would help to build up a bond with the mother also before the baby was born, as you said, a strong friendship would be required to raise a child together.

I am based in Dublin, and am a Photographer myself (age 37). I have been single for a good number of years now, and while I do want to find a partner I find it too much pressure looking for a partner and also the father of my child rolled into one as I feel under time constraint.

So I have decided to explore the option of having a child by myself, as I can always meet a life partner further down the line once the pressure of having children is off. I have always wanted to have children, and I don't want to let the opportunity pass me by from waiting around for "Mr. Right" which may never happen, or at least not in the next 2/3 years.

I would be open to co-parenting also, but I would want to get to know that person a lot more rather than just a donor as they will be a huge part of mine and the childs life.

Anyway, I am not sure it would work for us considering we are in different countries, but I am happy to chat if you want someone to talk with,

Ruby

by Lozzlya » 23 Jan 2017

Heya are you still looking to compare to . I'm female , 29 Glasgow looking for ai

by Zoe1990 » 26 Jan 2017

Hi Chad, You have more about you & your outlook on parenting than most straight guys. If your still struggling get in touch.

Zoe

by beccafrx » 31 Jan 2017

Exactly what i'm looking for! Please send me a message if you would like to discuss further.

by pesky » 13 Feb 2017

Hi, i am new here and would like to get to know you. Care to message me?

by Loubear » 23 Apr 2017

Hi Chad,
I just wanted to say I'm glad I read your post, being the first post I have read on here it has made me feel hopeful for what might be out there!
I live not too far from Edinburgh and my journey is just beginning, I wish you all the best with your journey, you sound like you will make a lovely dad :)

by JaiBee » 02 May 2017

Hi There.
You sound amazing. Hope you find the right person and you and your future children are happy xx

by HollieS9 » 19 Oct 2017

Hi Chad,

I don't know if you are still online or still weighing up the possibility of co-parenting?
I don't have a paid account but if you had an email address that you would be happy for me to get in touch with you at I'd be happy to send you a message.

Many thanks
Hollie

by Tas123 » 19 Oct 2017

Hi Chad1983,

Back in January you wrote a very interesting post. I wanted to ask if you have found your co-parent match or are you still looking?
it's refreshing to hear that you want to play an integral role in the child's life. So what sort of co-parenting share were you thinking of? 50/50?
Please send me a message for more one to one chat. Look forward to hearing from you. All the best. Tas123




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