The decision to enlist the support of a sperm donor is never an easy one to make. For some couples it is the only viable option to get pregnant, so making the right choices together is imperative.
Before choosing someone, you should sit down with your spouse and meticulously plan every step.
This guide will break down the important areas of consideration, as well as provide you with tips to help you establish terms that are mutually agreeable.
To begin with, you need to decide whether or not you would like to know the candidate before receiving their enlisting them as a donor.
Known benefactors can be a relative of the non-birthing partner (a popular choice for lesbian couples who might choose to use a sibling’s sperm), a family friend, or someone you meet through a connection service like CoParents.
So what are the benefits of this type of donor?
- It means that the child will have a clear understanding of the family history – and for those using semen from the partner’s relative, you can also maintain bloodline characteristics.
- If you receive a donation from a family friend, they can play an active part in the child’s upbringing, if you wish.
- Meeting a candidate through a connection service means you can get to know them on a personal level and ask them questions pertaining to their personality, history and wellbeing.
When using an identified contributor, you will need to ensure that legal parental responsibility is assigned to you and your significant other. This will avoid any headaches later on, should you decide that want them to play a part in your child’s upbringing. . If you are married or are in a civil partnership, you have automatic rights.
Anonymous donors are those that are supplied via a sperm bank, in this instance only some information is provided; primarily basic characteristics and medical background. This is often the best option for those that do not wish for the sperm provider to have a role in the baby’s upbringing.
The core benefits of anonymous donation include:
- Reduced risk of complications with legal issues around parental responsibility.
- Less chance of compromise of the non-biological mother’s role within a lesbian relationship.
Despite the above points, anonymity does not guarantee that the infant will never get to know the biological father. In the UK, once they are of age (18 years old), they have the right to track them down.
To come to an agreement, consider listing your personal pros and cons for each option. To avoid just selecting the method with the least issues, try and prioritise the importance of each benefit and downfall.
When choosing a known donor, you must determine clearly how involved they will be in the baby’s life. Some couple’s like them to be a ‘third parent’, lending a hand through co-parenting. Others, however, prefer that they have no involvement.
It is important for you to agree on what degree of collaboration the candidate will have, if any. This will also help you to whittle down matches based solely on your preference.
So now you have decided on the type of donor, you will need to mutually think of the key characteristics that mean the most to you both.
Areas that are most often considered are:
Some couples find it very easy to agree on these elements, but it can be a tough conversation to have if you have different opinions.
Sit down and speak frankly to each other about what your image of your offspring is. In this situation, it is important to remember that the most important thing is that the child is raised in a stable and correct manner.
Method Of Insemination
There are two options for the insemination process – at home, or via IVF treatment at a licensed clinic.
IVF treatment is the most popular choice for those looking to conceive, as the process will be overseen by a fully prepared and qualified healthcare professional. However, many people prefer to inseminate at home as they are more comfortable in their own surroundings.
If selecting at-home insemination, be sure to read our blog post for top tips and how to stay safe. Although, the primary choice should be with the mother-to-be, both parties should share their thoughts to avoid arguments. By having these discussions, you and your partner can come to the best decision together.
Sign up to our forum and choose from our database of sperm donors who are eager to help you start your path to parenthood.